Normal...maybe not!!!!
Lately, life hasn’t been feeling good.
I don’t really know what it is, but my heart just doesn’t feel connected to anything anymore. It’s not like something major happened… everything is actually normal. Life is on track, my routine is normal, and everything around me seems fine, yet there’s still this emptiness inside me. It feels like there’s a strange heaviness on my heart.
I don’t feel like meeting anyone, but whenever I do meet people, I act normal. I talk, I sit with them, and everything seems okay from the outside. I’m not happy though just normal. Deep inside, my mind keeps telling me that I don’t even want to be there, yet I still stay and behave normally.
I’ve also noticed that whenever I share too much about myself or my home life with people, I later feel uncomfortable, like I did something wrong and shouldn’t have discussed those things. Whenever I go somewhere, after reaching there I start thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have come at all. But even then, I still stay normal around everyone while my mind keeps running with these thoughts.
I don’t know why this is happening, but everything feels strange lately. I’m writing all this because maybe if I put it into words, I’ll understand myself better… maybe I’ll be able to explain myself to myself. But I still can’t fully understand what’s going on inside me. No matter how much I try to fix myself, I can’t seem to do it.
Sometimes I want to isolate myself, but at the same time I don’t want to, because I know it probably won’t give me peace either. I’m very confused about what I should do and what I shouldn’t do. These feelings appear suddenly, and whenever something happens, instead of healing, I go back to feeling the same again confused, worried, overwhelmed.
There are so many thoughts in my mind that I don’t even know where to begin fixing myself. I thought maybe writing everything down would help me feel a little relaxed.
I know this happens to many people, and right now I just want to come out of all these thoughts and feelings as soon as possible.
You probably need yourself, just yourself. No one else, take your time. Do what you love. And it's okay if you don't feel happy around people these days, sometimes when we keep things inside, then we don't want ourselves either.
Try meditating and doing what makes you happy.
Sometimes we feel like we already know what is disturbing us, but we avoid talking to ourselves about it because deep down we feel that maybe we are not ready to face or fully realize it....